Ouf, I haven’t updated this blog in a while. I went waaaay off course lately. Just overeating constantly and not taking good care of myself. I know I say this all the time but I’m ready to start living clean and taking better care of myself.

I started this morning with a green smoothie and whole grain bagel and light cream cheese. The bagel isn’t exactly healthy but I woke up starving and needed something more than just liquid.

Total calories this morning - 543

Have to eat carefully the rest of the day. 

#cats #kitten

#kitten #piercings

#kitten new addition to the family. Now to name you <3

#silenthill

Oh you are so tastey——220 calories for 4 of you?! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME?!

I forgot to mention. I’ve now cut out all dairy and eggs. I’m not going to say I’m “vegan” simply because I don’t want that guilty feeling if I accidently eat something that has honey or butter used in the baking. Ultimately I still wish to pursue that but I’m not quite there yet :)

Vegetarian a little over 2 months now :D Feels like way longer. No cravings. Just a little malnutrition xD but I’m working on it. 

I honestly do not think I am over eating or anything and yet the number won’t go down. 

This last two weeks I’ve felt very sick. I wasn’t taking any vitamins (on a really tight budget right now) and so my iron and b12 were like non existant. Started taking a vegan multivitamin and am just now starting to feel a bit better. I was tired constantly, barely able to stay awake past 1pm. I’m still sleeping a lot more than usual but slowly I’m seeing improvement.

I’ve been feeling very down and anxious lately. Between my two best friends leaving and disability denying me when I’m clearly someone who deserves it…I’ve felt really hopeless and afraid. Starting to see some improvement in the level of anxiety I experience when walking my son to and from daycare. I made it up the hill today with less difficulty. I’m hoping this (approx) 40 minutes of walking a day will improve things aswell.

I desperately want to loose 20lbs healthily. My whole life I’ve done things the unhealthy way and I keep falling back into the thinking that its faster and easier to just starve or purge every meal but then I look at my hair and how much I want it to grow long and strong so I can dread it again…I can’t seem to drink enough water in a day…or drink at all.

Right now I feel like I’m falling apart completely. Something has to change…a lot of things have to change…I just need to work on figuring out what and how to do it. I don’t eat candy but I eat way too many carbs (like bread, pasta, white rice) so next shopping trip…brown rice and oatmeal? Maybe that will help. I know I should be exercising more but I’m so weak that I really do need to do a little at a time and build up some strength and endurance. This walking will help, and then eventually I want to start doing yoga.

I’m glad I have friends and family who love me so much. That’s one thing I’m really grateful for. 

Taken with Instagram

spawn-of-seitan:

Me

spawn-of-seitan:

Me

alecshao:

Mika Aoki - Syringe (2009)

“I got this theme from the idea of a sperm bank. Sperm donations are classified according to educational background or appearance. Great expectations are entrusted to microscopic life which can be sucked up by syringes. From this point of view, I notice that my personality is breathing within each cell of my body.

The name and birthday of a patient are labeled on each blood sample tube like a title.”

I haven’t been posting or updating or anything lately. My life has gotten a little too stressful for my liking and so I crawl into a hole, do the bare minimum, and play video games to forget it all. No good.

I’m having Green Smoothie problems. I have only successfully made one “green” smoothie but I’ve made plenty of successful BROWN smoothies. I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong. Even in the pictures of the recipes i use the smoothie is green, not brown or purple. Siiigh.

I made a terrible mistake a couple days ago. I ate perogies. And into the third perogie I noticed tiny chunks of ham or bacon. I felt like crying. I suppose most vegetarians have made mistakes before unintentionally but I really felt awful about it. I’m not starting my whole count over again or anything and its not how long I’ve been vegetarian that matters, its why I am and that I’m actively trying my best to stick to what I believe.

?